When I’m in a manic-depressive state…I see, feel, experience my life and everything in it, in an exaggerated way. For those who have never experienced this…it’s like riding the biggest, fastest roller coaster in the world…it can be exhilarating, thrilling and very scary. Emotionally the highs are amazing, and the low points are shattering. It causes me to behave in extreme ways more often than not.. Over the years I’ve largely ignored my illness, but have been unable to escape the devastating impact it has had on my life. It’s only been over the last few years that I’ve come to fully recognize how truly fucked up I am….now where do I go from here?…I don’t want to do anti-depressants, I tried meditation a few times in my life…but it only helped a little…even meditation became victim to my dysfunction….maybe I lacked commitment…idk? But now that I’ve at least acknowledged to myself and the world ( well the world of WP…where nobody views me or knows me…I’m such a chickenshit..ha) that I’m suffering from a mental illness, perhaps that’s a start in the right direction…remaining hopeful?