Ineloquent stream of consciousness

Fighting the downward spiral today…my mind replays past hurts, losses, fuck-ups, regrets, etc. with a vengeance when I get like this. Self pity is an uncomforted garment. Dislike it’s fit immensely…yet I wear it too often…my life sucks, and my soul is so weary, exhausted from it all. This is how it is with me when I slip into depression….not a pretty picture and the cause of my aloneness. No one in my life that cares, no one to talk to…can’t stop thinking this way, feeling this way…just a broken record, stuck in repeat. I know this will pass…it always does, but then always returns. God i just want to be fixed, free from this weakness i loath. Why i’m sharing this is not for sympathy, but so others out there struggling with depression might know they are not alone in their pain. And to remind myself that i’m not either…even when it feels that way. Stay strong & I’ll try to do the same. Better days are ahead…?!

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11 thoughts on “Ineloquent stream of consciousness

  1. Better days are always ahead! You’re incredibly strong for making it through when you’re at your lowest point and even if it does always come back, you’re always there beating it and that’s what counts. The light at the end of the tunnel will shine again; I wish you the best through this low period. You’re not alone, we’re all here with you.

    1. Thanks so much :)…I’m just really bummed out that I get more support from perfect strangers than I do from supposed friends…It just seems that I make myself available whenever I sense distress in a friends life, but I don’t even have one friend that ever calls to see how I’m doing…It feels as if I must be this awful person that people avoid after they get to know me…or I’m just so uninteresting and not worth the time getting to know…sorry….just had to get that out….Thanks again for your kindness. Trying to find a better place 🙂

      1. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling like that:/ I know how hard that is. Sometimes we have to be our own best friends and sometimes that’s not so bad of a thing. But to me you seem like a great person:) Hope you’ve found that better place:)

      2. Oh no, I’m sorry! Why did you quit? You’re not messed up, but you are going through a rough patch and that happens to the best of us. It always gets worse before it gets better.

      3. My boss can be an abusive jerk…and I got fed up…I get over emotional at times and let my anger get the better of me…and now I just found out someone a care a great deal about, has cut me out of their life…this day just keeps getting worse…and I feel like it’s all my fault 😦

      4. If your boss is abusive then anger is a proper emotion. Regardless of the job. Emotions are hardly ever wrong because they reflect what you’re feeling and if you’re feeling abused then you’re going to get angry. Emotions are logical that way. Don’t feel bad that you’ve ended something that was causing you pain, you absolutely have that right. I’m sorry that person has done that to you; I don’t think it’s your fault, not when it’s their decision. I know that must hurt, though. Stay strong, this too shall pass.

      5. I know…everything just hurts so much right now…I wish I could turn off my emotions sometimes…it seems whenever I express myself honestly…bad shit happens….sorry I’m being so pathetic….Thanks again for the kindness 🙂

      6. *sending hugs!* Expressing yourself is good no matter the result and you’re certainly not being pathetic, at least I don’t think you are. I know you can hang in there and make it through. You’re worth it! 🙂

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